I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He did a backflip because drugs
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