I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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