There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
