someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
