So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
