when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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