Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
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i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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