Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
