He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
