I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
