Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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