Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
