Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
