but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
