She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
