my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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