K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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