I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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