1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Will exercising make me less horny?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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