Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
