you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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