my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
