omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
