i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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