Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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