she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
