Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
