Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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