i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
