I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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