Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
