you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well you can't waste a boner
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.