Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..