PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.