Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.