clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
