Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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