Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
