Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He passed out mid-signature
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
