Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
