had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
