dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
These tits shall not be calmed