Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob