My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.