I'm drive I can fine osifer
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....