where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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