his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
