Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
