He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I won the penis lottery.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
