what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
