Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
