i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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