i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
