Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
