She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
