I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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