I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
