I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
