Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
