just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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