What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
