Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
