I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
