Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
