Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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