weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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