Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
