planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
