Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
