I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
