No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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