i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
