Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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