OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
