My balls are so social today.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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