Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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