Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
