so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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