Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
