margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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