So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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