the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
