Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
