do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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