Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
