Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize